Ok here it is in black and white my dirty little secrete. I am not organized at all. Every aspect of my life suffers from this. I fled my parents house to Jared. I worked full time and tried to squeeze in classes until we started planning our wedding. After the wedding Ethan followed shortly there after. Well you get the picture. Organization takes time to do and I never really took the time to lay down the frame work needed for an organized life.
I wanted to be positive about all this I really did. So all week I've been trying to come up with just one thing that works from an organizational stand point in our lives. You know what I came up with.... cue the crickets. Yup nada, zip, zilch, zero. I'll say it again organization takes time, and between kids and other obligations I somehow forgot that it was important. That life doesn't need to be lived from day to day or moment to moment. That what it really means to live in a disorganized life. I try to be organized I really do but really when it comes down to it I just have a great memory. I know when things are for the most part, have only missed an appoint for something once or twice. Somehow shopping is the only thing that doesn't go with this memory thing...give me a page to read and I can usually tell you everything on it...ask me to go shopping even with a list and I'll forget the one item we need for dinner don't ask me why....or maybe it has something to do with my total hatred for making meals for my family.
So let me give you a brief glimpse into our home and the level of disorganization here. I run from event to event in the school year because there are just a lot of things to do and trying to run a business on top of it is something only a crazy person would do. (yes I'm crazy I'll admit it but I'm a highly driven person and being a stay at home mom completely would cause me to be put away with the white padded walls). Between the running I try to pick up but there is so much extra stuff in our home it's a full time job. I never get above just picking up to do all those deeper cleaning things you need to do. I never have time to play all the board games in the closet because I get so stressed out looking at our living room I want to pull my hair out. My counter always has dirty dishes because I can't seem to clean them fast enough to keep up. I remember to empty the trash in the upstairs bathroom when I open the door and am knocked over from that oh so pleasant diaper aroma. Laundry is never truly caught up, we actually end up buying clothes because we can't find them at times especially socks for some reason. I don't honestly know when cobwebs were taken down or dusting was last done. We have one room in our house that we started to paint over a year ago that still have not had the trimming done so it sits half finished. The garage is so cluttered I hate having the garage open...but can never seem to remember to close it either. My garden hasn't been weeded all year because I've never found the time. Half the time we don't even have the time to mow the yard it feels like but we try. Even my car is not untouched. My car is so cluttered and nasty that I ask my kids to hurry up when getting in or out because I don't want anyone to see inside....lets not think about anyone who parks next to us and can see in the windows. We eat out sometimes every day because I can't bring my self to make a meal or I haven't had the energy to make it to the grocery store to buy anything.
I don't tell you all this because I want you to feel bad for me this is honestly where my house is at right now. It is going to change because I can't continue living this way, no one can. I have hit rock bottom and it's time to start making my way out. It's important to see where I'm starting to taking an honest look around and record it so that as I make progress I can look back at these words and see I have made a difference. My montra right now is not perfect but better...and if every day is not perfect but better than the last then one day at a time things have no choice but to get better.
So what is my end goal? I can sum it up in two words: home and family. I want my home to be a place that my family is proud of, especially me. I want it to be a sanctuary from the rest of the world for my children, ok and me too. I want to be able to pick up my house in an hour not 8. I want to have time to clean not just pick up. I want to be clutter free. I want to have time in my schedule to just be. I want to not be overwelled by dinner. I want to be the mom I know I can be if only I can locate the time to find her among all the disorganization. I want to share the load of house work and cooking with my family. It will teach them how to take care of them selves and lessen my load. This one will be really hard for me but it will be needed.
They say roam wasn't build in a day, neither was it done by just one person. This is my reminder to my self that it will take time to get there and I can't do it all on my own.
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